It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
