he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
