I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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