Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
