The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
