So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
