Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
