this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
