my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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