he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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