you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
