you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
