how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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