Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
