He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
