in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
