There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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