Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
