It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize