so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
