i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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