I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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