just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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