My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
