Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
