There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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