I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize