I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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