Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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