found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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