She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
