The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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