I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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