the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
