she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
