In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize