yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize