Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
