Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
