walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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