She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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