Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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