I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
