I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
