Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?

(540): View more from Virginia

you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

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(301): View more from Maryland

I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are

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(702): View more from Nevada

Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?

(636): View more from Missouri

anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence

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(917): View more from New York City

shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom

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(803): View more from South Carolina

the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.

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(614): View more from Ohio

They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Just took acid. Wish me luck.

(1-651): View more from Minnesota

I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.

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(314): View more from Missouri

So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment

(419): View more from Ohio

Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...

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