Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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