My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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