so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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