Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize