you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
