That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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