Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
