I wanna bring you to show and tell
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
