I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
