I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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