Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
