Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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