: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
