I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Someone shattered a urinal.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize