sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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