what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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