i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
