Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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