who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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