redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
