I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
