how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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