she smelled like a LAN party
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
